Patti Soldavini

Olive’s Outtakes

I don’t understand why Labs and Golden Retrievers get all the attention. Okay, they’re cute but did you ever see how much they slobber? Every time I play with one, I come home looking like I’ve been sprayed with foam. Don’t you think the sign would be much more attractive with a picture of me on it?

Oh, look at me impersonating Patti. I’m at work. Work, work, work. Where the hell did those funds go? And what the heck is this? I DID NOT INVEST IN CAT FOOD. That is NOT my signature. I smell wood pulp. Why is the print so tiny?

Oh yes, this is what I look like, bored to absolute tears while you work. At least I can come with you. And yet even though my gorgeous eyes are glazed over like a rotted zombie’s, I’m still very attractive aren’t I? Why don’t I have any television show contracts?

“So THIS is what the insides of a dog look like!”

The last thing I recall was sniffing Hercules’ butt. And one of the humans said something about a “colonoscopy?” What’s a colonoscopy and can I have one? It’s much more colorful in here than I expected. I wonder where this goes…and if I’ll find any birds…oh look, a stinkbug!

“Stop looking at my udders.”

Yowza. When did I get these? Many thanks to the Hysterectomy Fairy. Yes, dogs are capable of sarcasm. Especially Weimaraners. Looks I like I should be reading a book by I.B. Cow, not E.B. White. Would you like a glass of milk?

“Sorry, can’t talk right now. Gotta’ go.”

Seriously. What were you thinking when you took this picture? Does my tail look like a mobile phone? Actually, I was in the middle of ordering a pizza. And then I got a crank call and all I heard was “ASS KISSER.”

  1. Olive you should submit a photo of yourself to the clinic and suggest they make a different sign 🙂

    Bella and DiDi

  2. The sign would be much more attractive with a picture of Olive on it! 🙂

  3. How long I will laugh remains to be seen – hee hee.

  4. We meant nice captions! Not nice captions? Sometimes our paws cause typos

  5. Howl! Olive your human needs to learn that some moments in our lives are sacred like when we have an itchy bum! Nice captions?

    Bella and DiDi

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