Patti Soldavini

Archive for May 20th, 2012|Daily archive page

Unicorn Sighting

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 05/20/2012 at 7:52 pm

“WHAT the heck is THAT?”

I am very pleased with myself for accidently discovering a foolproof way to break up dog fights safely. And instantly. You can distract the dogs immediately and with such impact that they will forget what they were doing before this unique distraction. You can save your dog from being bitten or you from losing a finger or two by instinctively rushing to your dog’s aid and unwittingly becoming a third participant. You can also avoid the crippling fear and high-octane stress that comes with watching your dog getting attacked. And you can pre-empt a possible lawsuit if it’s your dog that’s being overly aggressive. How? It’s called an Air Horn. I now carry a pocket-sized air horn with me when Olive and I are around other dogs. I came across this trinket when I was cleaning my basement a few weeks ago. I vaguely recall buying it at a party goods store. Not sure why I bought it or how I intended to use it. Not sure what I’m going to do with it now, but apparently I still find it intriguing. I stuff it into the pocket of my hoodie and resume tidying up. The next day, I’m at the dog park and two dogs start to get into each other’s grille. The interaction is escalating quickly and it seems very, very close to turning ugly and dangerous. I reach into my pocket, pull out the air horn and give it a quick burst. The high pitched, skull-piercing sound instantly stills the dogs who now stare in my direction like they have just witnessed a unicorn streaking across the sky. Done. Fight over. They each go their own ways. Granted, I’m sure it’s not great for their ears, but a second or two of minor ear pain seems better than the excruciating pain of getting an ear torn off in a fight. And if you own a weimaraner, you have to be especially careful because large veins criss-cross their ears like a road map, and if punctured, these veins will start gushing blood like a geyser. “DON’T WORRY OLIVE. THERE’S NO WAY I’M EVER LETTING ANYTHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.”

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Today on Olive’s Outtakes

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 05/20/2012 at 7:09 pm

Read what Olive has to say about this snapshot.

Protecting Olive

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 05/20/2012 at 6:56 pm

“Hahahahahahahahahaha.”

Have you even been pepper-sprayed? I have. Sort of. Standing in a group at the dog park Saturday morning, I was telling the other human companions why I carry a vial of pepper spray with me whenever I’m out with Olive. As I’m explaining that it makes me feel safer when Olive and I walk past some very aggressive-sounding dogs on our walks, I take out the vial and say “Maybe I should test this thing. It’s over two years old and I’ve never used it.” With that, I turn away from the group and into the gentle wind and spray. A tightly-focused dark orange stream shoots 20 feet through the air. The equivalent of a line drive. “Wow. This thing shoots far,” I remark. “Much farther than I imagined.” Of course, that could be good or bad depending on my aim. Now that my product demonstration is over, I pocket the vial. I glance around to confirm Olive’s whereabouts and listen to the conversation around me. I reach up to scratch an itch on my face. Then my neck. Now I feel like my lips are tingling…and not in a good way. Finally, it dawns on me that tiny particles of pepper spray must have blown back onto me courtesy of the wind. My face gets itchier. My lips are now burning moderately like a Girl Scout campfire. “Christ, I can’t believe I was that stupid,” I think. Apparently my head and face remain their normal size and I’ve not broken out in screaming red welts. In fact no one seems to notice. Olive’s using her nose to tunnel up a new dog’s behind. I think she’s looking for daylight. Me? I’m hoping the itching and burning does not get worse. In fact, I’m hoping it goes away before I have to go to my genealogy seminar in a couple of hours. I have no one to blame but myself. My impulsive nature has gotten the best of me again. “GEE OLIVE, YOU’D BETTER HOPE I NEVER REALLY NEED TO USE THIS. BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHERE IT WILL END UP.”

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