"What the HECK happened here?

It’s true. At home, I dance a little jig for Olive. It’s the least I can do in return for all the entertainment she provides on a daily basis. I watch her stare at me as if I just dropped down from Neptune in a haze of green mist and peppermint fragrance. She stands there immobile, watching me, trying I suppose to figure out if I am about to spontaneously combust or I’m expecting a response from her. She’s probably thinking. “HOLY CHRIST. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? Occasionally she barks a few times. Seeing immediately that this changes nothing, she stops and continues staring at me like she’s watching a multiple vehicle wreck. One in which all the cute little farm animals tumbled out of their trucks onto the highway. Where dozens of bright pink bristly piglets escape by charging up the slow lane of I-80 East. Which leads me to an important observation that finally snuck into my rock hard skull last week. Every day, when I put on my jacket, pocket my keys and say to her “OLIVE? WANNA’ GO FOR A WALK? A WALKIE?” she does the same thing. She starts twirling in circles faster than a Russian ballet dancer. This is her version of SHRIEKING with delight. But on those occasions when I have to go out and she has to stay at home, I put on my jacket and pocket my keys with my back turned towards her and my piehole shut. What does my Harvard-educated pooch do? She proceeds to calmly walk downstairs and marches straight into her crate. It blew my mind. And speaking of smart, I was shocked to witness Olive’s reaction to seeing an illustrated animated dog (that did not bark) in a recent TV commercial. She responded to it the same way she responds to seeing a “real” dog on TV. Racing up to the TV screen and barking at the dog repeatedly. For some reason, it reminds me of when I was a child and when my friends and I were outside playing and we’d spot a boy or girl we didn’t know and one of us would scream from across the street, “HEY KID! YEAH YOU. YOU WANNA’ PLAY WITH US? And right now, the dog with the human IQ? She’s wiping her lips on the side of the couch. Nice. To her, it’s an $1,800 napkin. And one she wholeheartedly believes she deserves.