Patti Soldavini

Ursus Americushionus Couchus

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 01/19/2012 at 8:11 pm

"OK, I surrender."

“IS THAT A DEAD BEAR LYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?” I say out loud. I am actually aware that my voice is simultaneously filled with controlled panic and curiosity. A giant chocolate brown lump lies motionless on the faded yellow line in the street today. The World’s Largest Tootsie Roll? Dinosaur scat? Olive and I are about a half block away from it and the closer we get, the more Olive starts shrinking away from it and moving towards me. At this point, she is so close to me that she might as well have her head up my rear end. I’m not sure why I’m so apprehensive, because whatever it is seems stone-cold dead. Still, it would be a bit unsettling if it actually is a dead bear. And I have Olive with me, so if the carcass begins to rise up as they often do in horror movies, I’ve got to worry about how to protect her. “I don’t know Olive, could it really be a dead bear?” I start to walk a little slower, Olive can’t hear me because she is about 20 feet behind me now. What is so amazing is that this dog understands when something is “out of place.” I’m not quite sure how she knows this, but it is very Gestalt of her which as a former Psychology major, I do appreciate. As we pass the front of the lump, and then the side, we can now observe the lump from the back. I am now in a position to identify the species. It is ursus americushionus couchus. That’s right. It is the largest cushion from an old Lazy Boy couch that looks like it was wrestled to the ground by an obese grizzly bear. I feel both relieved and stupid at the same time. I may have really crappy eyesight, but I have an inspired imagination. “LET’S KEEP GOING OLIVE. WHO KNOWS WHAT AWAITS US AROUND THE NEXT CORNER.”

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  1. Hahahahaha! Beware of zombie sofas 🙂

  2. Silly you (and Olive) , you are both watching too many horror movies – BOO!

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