Patti Soldavini

Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

Anticipation

In animals, dogs, humor, pets, weimaraners on 12/31/2012 at 11:56 am

"NOW? NOW? NOW?"

“NOW? NOW? NOW?”

“NO YOU TINY LUNATIC, YOU CANNOT EAT ANY MORE OF YOUR GIFTS,” I admonish Olive after she slices through two or three less carefully wrapped items on the morning of Christmas Eve. The anticipation is going to kill her. No more than 30 seconds after placing Olive’s gifts at the foot of the citrus-scented tree, she made her move. As though she were leading the Calvary, she galloped over to the tree and executed a swift snatch ‘n grab. As I begin to approach, she senses that she’s been “caught,” and as I gently pry the tattered wrapping paper with the canvas chicken leg dangling from it, she gives it up. She tries this twice more during the day and I finally surrender. “OH GO AHEAD YOU CRAZY POOCH. MERRY CHRISTMAS.”

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The Christmas Olive

In animals, dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners on 12/25/2012 at 11:06 am

Where in the world is Olive?

Where in the world is Olive?

You’ve heard of the Christmas Pickle? Well, here is the Christmas Olive. Nestled between the downy blue-green branches of this year’s Christmas Tree, it’s been strategically placed near the top so my ever-alert pooch cannot reach it in case she mistakes it for food. Merry Christmas to all!

Waiting For Santa

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 12/16/2012 at 12:17 pm

"Of course I BELIEVE in Santa."

“Of course I BELIEVE in Santa.”

Poor Olive. This is her at my cousin’s house after being bitch slapped by her cousin Oliver, a Tibetan Terrier. Oliver thought it was Olive standing on his tail, when it fact it was my 80-year old Aunt. Olive quietly retreated to the living room and made herself at home on the love seat next to the Christmas tree. One of the more endearing characteristics of dogs is that they don’t hold grudges. Olive waits patiently for Santa.

Story Time

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 12/16/2012 at 11:03 am

"But where ARE the sugarplums?"

“But where ARE the sugarplums?”

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a weimaraner. Moments later, Olive dove headfirst into the book to retrieve the biscuit that was between my thumb and the page.

Olive’s Nightmare Before Christmas

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 12/16/2012 at 10:37 am

"Is that really ME?"

“Is that really ME?”

It’s you Olive. And you are doing a terrific impersonation of a deer. A two-headed deer, but a deer nonetheless. Don’t feel bad. I have a giant orb sticking out of the back of my head. I promise, this is the last shot we do today.

Mistlecheese

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 12/16/2012 at 10:25 am

"Is that a big ball of CHEESE?"

“Is that a big ball of CHEESE?”

Yes Olive, it’s called mistlecheese. Now pucker up.

Olive’s Christmas Card

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 11/19/2012 at 7:36 pm

“Are we done yet?”

This year, I thought it would be fun to sit for a photo session with Olive to create this season’s Christmas card. Of course, the conventional “two-shot” of human and pooch would not do. It would have to be more creative. I considered different ideas and a variety of props. Antlers for Olive were out of the question. She flings anything off her head like a slingshot. And while they fit better on a human head, there was no way I was going to wear them. Shamefully, I admit, we tried both anyway. Olive does look better in them than I do. Let’s start with the basics. “Olive, where is your fire engine red cable knit sweater?” It was easier to figure out what Olive would wear; her wardrobe is much smaller than mine. I run out to Wal-Mart for some holiday “props,” and return with four boxes of colored Christmas lights, three sets of white snowflake Christmas lights, two big gold glitter bows, and a dead partridge in a pear tree. Just kidding about the last one. At home, I clumsily rummage through the plastic containers of seasonal décor which I have yet to yank out of the closet. Within reach is a cheap Santa’s hat, soft fuzzy brown antlers with small reindeer heads at their apex, and William Wegman’s “The Night Before Christmas” book. Not bad. These will do. I call my friend Jill and ask her to come along because I think she’ll have fun and she can be the principal “dog wrangler.” I thought this shoot might be a bit more challenging than Olive’s glamour session last year because in this session, she’d be going through more costume changes than Lady Gaga. It was going to be important to manage Olive’s patience and her desire to eat all the props. Inside the studio, under the hot lights, I remove Olive’s virgin wool sweater and ignore her question about what’s a virgin wool. It’s a good thing I “buffed” her before leaving the house. Too lazy to give her a shower before we came, I took the easy way out and gave her what some refer to as a “French whore’s bath.” I tore off a few paper towels, wet them under the bathroom faucet and ran it over her face and torso. For some reason, I felt compelled to clean her little pink armpits as well. Then, I had the brilliant idea of buffing her with a brand new chamois cloth. “My God Olive, I think it’s working. You actually look shinier.” It did work. Jill arrives at my house and the first words out of her mouth are “Olive looks absolutely radiant!” Kismet. “Maybe that’s because her AKC name is Watchpoint ‘n Camelot’s Radiance.” Yes, True ‘Dat. At the shoot, we try lots of different scenarios and props. Olive as always is curious beyond measure but unfailingly well-behaved. She looks good in anything. I can’t say the same for me. I feel like Mrs. Claus’s fatter sister. Olive starts to get antsy at about the 75-minute mark. What a trooper. She now looks like she does in the photo above with Tracy, her professional personal photographer. Like she’s just eaten a sour patch kid and is still constipated. We try one more set-up and believe it or not, this one will probably yield the best pictures. But you’ll have to wait to see those. Now I have to figure out how to allow Olive to autograph them. And P.S., that’s who I named Olive after, the little dog in the book and movie, “Olive, The Other Reindeer,” because I liked the name and it was a nod to the late Idgy, the Wonder Dog who actually looked like the cartoon Olive.

Red Velvet Weimaraner

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 10/11/2012 at 8:56 pm

“Is Santa here yet?”

I don’t know what it is about this picture that makes me feel especially warm and fuzzy. It also makes me think of Christmas. I guess, a lot of “red” will do that. Some people see the color red as hot and sexy, to others it signifies anger and aggression and to those like me, it’s symbolic of Christmas. So you see, context really does matter when your brain is absorbing color. Maybe it’s the warm taupe-like brown of Olive on the warm red blankets that makes me feel the way I do. Maybe it’s because she’s curled up like a tiny reindeer. Maybe she’s dreaming of a tiny Santa Paws. Who’s kidding whom? The minute I wrote “Red Velvet Weimaraner,” I started to salivate for a red velvet cupcake. “Yes Olive, I do love you more than red velvet cupcakes. A whole lot more. I could live without red velvet cupcakes, but I couldn’t live without you, you little nutcake.

Olive Gets a Monkey

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 01/12/2012 at 8:11 pm

Christmas Daze

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 01/07/2012 at 7:54 pm

"So, that's IT?"

“Christmas is over? I won’t be getting any more presents? I like Santa. I wonder if he tastes like chicken. Ppfffffftttttttt. Excuse me. I must have eaten one too many elves. WHERE IS MY NEW KNUCKLEBONE? Ouch, I think I just layed on my new dental toy with all those nice little plastic niblets that I love to floss my teeth with. Are there any other holidays like Christmas? Does this mean I’m catholic? By the way, that little baby in the manger by the tree? It was very tasty. It’s not my fault. Who the heck leaves a baby in a barn by itself next to a bunch of animals? Now, I’m thirsty. Do I smell lampchop? Is that me? Uh-oh, my stomach is making funny noises. HEY HEY HEY, I NEED TO GO OUTSIDE NOWWWWWWW!

The Tree Sitter

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 12/27/2011 at 6:33 pm

"WHO goes there?"

Olive, standing guard at a friend’s house, tree-sitting. My dog nonchalantly creates the appearance of steadfastly guarding the Christmas tree and its bounty underneath. Either that, or she just ate a trespassing elf (Burrrpppp!) and is looking for another tasty lilliputian tidbit.

 

Santa Dog

In dogs, humor, lifestyle, pets, weimaraners, writing on 11/29/2011 at 6:57 pm

"Is it really YOU Santa?"

The only thing more surprising to Olive on this morning’s walk would have been if she ran into the Red and Yellow “M&M’s” characters. Yes, Olive. To those of us who believe, they all exist.

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