“Just call me COUNT Dogula.”

Last night was the first time I saw Olive turn into a Vampire. Really, the only thing missing was blood. As I sat around the dining room table with family enjoying a dinner that included bruschetta, Caesar salad, steamed carrots and snap peas, risotto and chicken marsala, my dog kept running into the kitchen wondering where hers was. Mind you, this was after she had eaten her bowl of Eukanuba Lamb and Brown Rice. And as hard as we tried to keep the food at paw’s length from her, I caught her standing over the kitchen sink, craning her long graceful neck deep into its stainless steel well, curling her tongue around the labyrinth of pots and pans, greedily lapping up the chicken marsala gravy swimming in the corner of the glass roasting pan. “OH THIS IS GREAT,” I exclaim. “TONIGHT I’M GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH FECAL FIREWORKS. THIS DOG’S DIGESTIVE SYSTEM IS AS FRAGILE AS A BUTTERFLY’S WINGS.” As I drag Olive away from the sink, I notice a crazed look in her eyes, which actually seem to be glowing a fire engine red. The look is unmistakable. This is the look that Vampires get when they have tasted their first blood. This happens a few times throughout dinner. The next time, I catch her standing over the kitchen table licking a dirty dish that sits in its center. It has been licked clean. So clean, it sparkles like a freshly waxed floor. “OLIVE! OFF!” I command her. She ignores me and she begins licking even more frantically. I feel like I am watching a drug addict who has just stumbled into the pharmaceutical version of CandyLand. I grab her collar and pull her down and back into the dining room. She is now leashed and sitting next to me. Not happily. Just as I am about to swallow a forkful of risotto, Olive starts barking. I look at my watch. Yup. It’s 7:45pm. That means it’s time to leave. Olive is done for the day and wants nothing more than to lie down on some soft object and go to sleep. Sigh. Some days I feel like her schedule, is my schedule. “C’MON OLIVE. LET’S GO HOME. I’M GOING TO PLACE A PEA UNDER YOUR MATTRESS TONIGHT.”